Top 5 Candidates for Marlins Manager
The Marlins front office along with owner, Jeffrey Loria, have been working around the clock to find their new manager. They anticpate naming a new manager prior to the winter meetings so they can trot him out to potential free agents during the meetings. With a lot of big names out there for the job I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 candidates for the job.
Al Golden is the obvious choice. He is about to be out of a job soon and he is already one of the most hated people in Miami so he could take some pressure off of Jeffrey Loria. Another positive for Al Golden being the manager is that there won’t be high expectations to win right away. He can blame the previous manager for a lot what goes wrong even if he is 5 years into his coaching tenure. Let’s face it his ability to mismanage talent is like no other so we can expect some funky lineups and weird pitching substitutions.
Since the Marlins as an organization is a circus show, why not have one of America’s most beloved clowns lead them? Instead of having the sea creatures race along the warning track the Marlins could bring in the Fry Guys instead. Let not forget that Jeffrey Loria and the Hamburgler have a lot in common, they’re both thieves. All the kids would be thrilled as with every child ticket sale comes with a free Happy Meal. The only downside to Ronald McDonald as manager would be the ejections. His giant red shoes would inadvertently step on the umpire’s shoes thus leading to umpires thinking he is trying to upstage them, thus the ejections.
Kim is the dark horse in this manager search and I’m not calling her the dark horse because she likes to date black men. Imagine Kim bringing her tv show to the team and showing the daily goings with the ball club. Besides being the first female Major League manager in history, she could also have her Dash stores provide uniforms updates that are hip and trendy. Hell maybe she will make butt injections mandatory to help cushion the blow of players sliding into the bases. And who knows, maybe Bruce Jenner, err, Caitlyn Jenner will be an honorary Marlins Mermaid.
Who else would be best person not to see how bad this organization is than Stevie Wonder? It’s not like he’ll be able to see the empty stands and maybe on Friday nights after the game in the west parking lot he can give free concerts. Now that he is divorcing his wife, he has plenty of time for strolling South Beach which all the local tabloids would love. I can see the headlines now, “Marlins manager has his bat and balls played with off the field with some local Instagram models at Mango’s.”
If the Marlins were looking to keep fans in their seats for the whole game then they should look no further than Bill Cosby. Maybe they can run a promotion in his honor, buy a soft drink and get a free quaalude. Imagine a casual fan flipping through the channels and comes across the game and sees everyone still in their seats even if the Marlins were down by 10 runs and think those are some loyal fans. The only drawback of Cosby being the manager is that he might have to be banned from going to the Clevelander.
I think these are solid list of candidates for the Marlins organization to choose from. We’ll have to see which person is lucky enough to be the 1,250th manager of the Marlins in the past 4 years.